Sometimes life really finds its own special way to bring you down.
And in the places that you least expect.
I never saw this coming, so of course i didn't have any backup.
And honestly, i don't understand why.

So I did not manage to get hall for the year even though I would only be staying for one sem cause i would be going off for exchange for the other.
technically im on the waiting list so there still might be some slim chance that i do get a placing in hall.
but sadly i wont know if im allocated a hall or not until a later date this month.
and so i've been finding a place to crash instead for just a few weeks.
and by just a few weeks i really mean 2-3 weeks.
i had planned on making myself as scarce as possible so that im not really much of a bother.
but to my disappointment, no one is willing to take me in.
i approached quite a few people, some had justified reasons, others had excuses.
and then there's her.
totally nothing.
and this from my own successor.
i don't know what went wrong.
where did i slip up?
i mean i can only speculate the reason why but to not know definitively, i am in no place to judge.
i just simply cannot understand what possible reasoning there could be for such behaviour.
i honestly was confident that this plan would work.
but it backfired on me in the most grandiose manner.
i dont know what to think.
as days go on, i feel that i have greatly reduced my expectations of the people around me.
but yet, i still face disappointment.
its getting to a grey area where i dont know if i am still expecting too much or if im simply being taken advantage.
in hindsight, it probably was foolish of me to have fought so much for this people.
i dont see them even putting a miniscule of that effort to help me out.
and its not like im asking for permanent residency.
its really just a matter of a few weeks.
its times like these that i just question all my relationships.
and it makes it so hard to trust people.
it feels that people are always selfish, and no matter how much good you do and intend for them, you will never get that in return.
not that im expecting a return deed, i know it isnt a transaction.
but to have no hand to hold on when you're calling out for help, it shows all the ugly backs these people have.
life is full of tricks up its sleeves.
and sometimes, no matter how prepared i think i am, im dumbfounded.
and i just dont know what to do.
and just feel like giving up.
and just running away from all of these little things.
to a place where there is nothing to think about.
its all just quiet.
blank.