cause when you grow older, one week feels like one day.
and yet waiting takes a desperately long time.

looking at how people move on with their lives, i've always wondered why i find it so hard to move on myself.
i mean its not like those things happened to me, it happened to them.
but yet i cant even accept the change that happened for them and not for me.
i cannot accept that two people are no longer together as a happy couple.
to see the faces so familiar in another's embrace, it makes me feel disappointed somehow.
like i wished that everything worked out and nothing needed to change.
but sadly reality isn't like that.
people change.
times change.
everybody changes.
and though it's true that most times change is good, when i see such things happen i am fearful.
fearful that such change would happen to me next.
cause if i cant even move on for others, would i be able to move on if change haunts me next?

sometimes i do wish i had the magical power to just correct all the wrong that is glaring at me.
i wish i had some power to make things right in this world.
but then again there are days when i cant even make myself feel right.
and at those times i wished there was someone else with these holy powers i dream of to be able to right me.
cause it's sad when people spend their lives feeling pessimistic or just losing sight of what a beautiful life it is.
and that leads me to realise that of late i have been really emotional.
like i don't have to have great identification with the event, but yet i feel deeply saddened.
it's like i can feel the tears welling up in my eyes and that all-so-familiar heart wrenching feeling.
and all i can do is swallow it back.
fearful of being seen as broken because that is not what i am.
but yet i dont know why i get these feelings.
and i apparently can't seem to stop their sporadic appearances either.

i remember the times i used to wonder until the night grew late.
i was filled with so much curiosity about life and what lays beyond me.
not that i have lost that curiosity, i am still very much that young wondrous soul i was when i first started figuring out my place here.
but with maturity, i somehow get this feeling of reminisce.
like as though i have lived a century and been through it all.
maybe it's just my tired soul thinking it is old.
and all along, i always felt there's something missing in my life.
something that i couldn't figure out what but yet i knew i needed to make my life meaningful and complete.
i was certain that was what would lead me to my purpose in life.
but now, i can't quite figure it out.
that feeling is no longer as strong anymore that it becomes questionable.
maybe i can attribute it to the fact that i have learnt so much more about life and maybe that void in understanding was what i have been trying to fill all this time.
but then again maybe it could be that i have just grown tired, and all i want is to lead a normal peaceful life.
not that i have lost the drive to pursue my goals or lost that zest in life.
but i do have to admit, it certainly isn't as strong as it used to be.
and its a pity because i am still so young, yet i feel so old.

and once again, i find myself lost and horribly bad at making decisions.
everyone's been asking me: what are you going to do after your university education?
and sure two years ago i had it all figured out.
but now, im back to where i started: clueless.
i have no idea what is to come and i have been telling myself to concentrate on the present.
maybe that is my consciousness subconsciously avoiding thinking about a future that i am not certain of.
and one that i literally have no idea how it would be.
i have always been a believer that age is just a number.
and you can't measure your life by how much you did by a particular age.
cause life is pretty much like what the word describes: it's life-long.
and yes, i have time to figure things out cause who is putting the deadline on me other than myself.
society can be a bitch but ultimately it is your life and your future which is in your hands.
you could be anything you want to be, and sometimes i believe people do not understand the power of that choice.
in fact many people just forfeit that choice and then lament about how pathetic their life is.
what they don't realise is that they always had a choice.
because it is their life.
you control your own body, you control your own mind.
you control your life.