after all who are we but just mere bodies filled with sciences that we try to make sense of.
who are we to quantify what is life.
who are we to say we have the right over one?
its funny how humans love chasing something that is not theirs.
we get the thrill of wanting to achieve something we are not supposed to get.
and though we knew all along it wasnt ours to keep, we get disappointed when we lose it.
the human heart is indeed very funny.
sometimes i feel like i try to hard to look in other people's lives.
but then again its always been my nature to wonder.
wonder about how another person views life.
wonder about whether another feels emotions the same way i do.
wonder about what love means to some people.
and honestly sometimes i really wish i had the power to read minds.
but with great power comes great responsibility and sometimes i doubt if i can handle it.
some people say its better to leave some things unsaid.
but point being, it was there in the first place to even be unsaid about.
so whether or not it is said or unsaid, it would be there.
it would change things whether you want it to or not.
that is the nature of it.
sometimes i wonder if i should place so much value in you.
or at least what i did.
i must say, i really believed everything you told me.
i know all along that words are too good to be true, but with you, they seemed pretty believable.
and i will never know if you actually meant them or if i was just another person you felt for momentarily.
i know i shouldnt even be wondering about all this given im already in a happy place.
but the human heart is funny and it always wonders about what if.
what if i had chosen otherwise?
what if i chose to follow you?
what if i realised nothing you said was real?
not that im saying its not real though im getting more and more inclined to feeling that way the more i think of how the situation has panned out.
i know this is a what if that i dont feel i should risk finding out as of now.
back then, probably yes, i would have been dying to find out.
but now, i realise how important stability is.
yes, strong emotions can wash you over and leave you feeling breathless.
and that feeling is one of the best in the world.
but is the pain that accompanies it worth it?
is the insecurity and the instability of it all ever worth it?
and that's when i started to break it down.
and i realise i have been inclined to the wrong people because of my nature to seek that rush.
i forgot to realise how happy i am, and how comfortable things have become.
because after all, what you're finding for is a constant, not a changing variable.
emotions come and go but something like this would not as it was built from something strong.
what we could have had, probably wouldnt have lasted.
so im glad i made that decision that day.
when i was forced to realise the entirety of what i could lose.
and without even looking at what i would gain, i knew it could never outweigh what i would lose.
looking back now, i am so gifted.
i know i had my rough times but after it all, it makes me feel that each and every time i told myself to hang on: it paid off.
you may not be the most romantic.
you may not be the best at words.
but you are my constant.
you are my strength.
you are my laughter.
you are everything i never knew i needed, until i had you.
and i really do hope if change has to happen it would only go the way it has been.
because you have become too dear to me.
and you would never know.
