When all you can do is stand by the sidelines and watch it all happen.
how once they met.
how they fell in love.
and how they became strangers again.

so i have been doing a fair bit of thinking about how fragile relationships are.
and the fact that nobody realises the entirety of it.
or at least so i think.
to think that any relationship either ends up in marriage or in a break up.
its scary when you have to put it into such extremities.
if i could say that marriage is an extremity.
but lets face it, no one is going to get married any time soon when you're still so young.
so being idealistic doesn't exactly help to decipher the real depth of choosing a marriage.
and all this thoughts have been provoked by the fact that everywhere around me, people are drifting apart.
the faces i used to associate to one another are now drowned out amidst a haze of unfamiliar people.
and somehow i get the feeling that i get when i reach the end of a good book.
withdrawal.
that things are not the way it used to be anymore.
that things won't be the same.
and that you can't do anything about it.
and just like how every storybook ends, their chapter has ended and all you can do is sit and wonder about the what-ifs and could-haves.

talking about the fragility of relationships, i wouldn't have to go far.
i had a rough patch of my own and i had to make some decisions.
and at the end of the day, i still can't tell if i attribute my decision to knowing what i really want or whether i was just too afraid to take risks.
whether i was afraid of being the person who lost everything, thinking that there was better for her when she already had her own perfect infinity.
so i guess im not much a risk-taker.
and i don't know if future me would regret that.
but at least i know its a conscious decision and i don't regret it.
so let fate take where me where i'm supposed to go and i know that one day, i would come to realise if i did the right thing or not.
it's just a matter of waiting for that day to come.

so i realise i have actually gotten myself into maybe too many activities.
and i would probably regret it once it all comes crashing down on me in semester 2.
but lets just pray to a good start in semester 1 and that i don't lose focus of what actually matters at the end of the day.
so here is to more studying and hopefully getting excellent grades.
i know i'm a smart person.
and i know i should believe in that.
cause as i always tell myself, you're destined for greatness.
no matter where, what occasion or what path.
i know i will excel and i have learnt to stop doubting myself.
so here is to the brighter future ahead of me.
i can taste it.
achievement is within my reach.
so now, it is on to the path of hard work towards that end goal.
ciao.