even though we're miles apart,
i never felt closer to you.
all this distance has only made me realise,
you're the one that i want and i'll do anything to make you stay mine.

so i finally got a job.
and now its really time to start saving up on money.
have been spending way too much despite him having gone into army.
but in a way im glad for all that i've done in his absence.
this distance apart has made me realise that yes indeed we do need our own space.
and though in a way its hard to not constantly be together and wish for him all the time, its healthy to be apart at times.
to have our own lives apart from each other.
its a concept i never really thought i would find happiness in but surprisingly it makes me feel that my life is more fulfilling.
all along i've thought that the person you love becomes your world and everything is about him.
all your time and energy becomes devoted to him and there's nothing more you want than him.
though that notion of love is really sweet and still my take on how one should passionately love, i do believe that having time apart also helps alot in a relationship.
having spent these few weeks with my friends and on my own made me realise that if we have our own lives apart from each other, it'll only make us cherish one another even more.
and we can only love one another even more.
so yes, at first distance seems absurd when all you want is his love.
but that very distance might just be what i need to get the love i want.

so given all this time by myself i've had quite some time to do reflections too.
and i realised how scary it is that as we grow older, we tend to stop thinking so much about ourselves.
we get so caught up in the practical world that we dont set aside time to just step back and catch our thoughts.
we stop thinking about growing and only think about the moment we're in in the real world.
there is no time set aside for ourselves to think and find out our being.
so yes, i am glad i have this avenue to do my reflections.
cause some days when i read my older posts, i come to realise how important self-reflection is.
without it, we'll just be living day to day without any way forward and worst, not even realising that we're stagnant.
and that thought scares me hell lot.
cause what is a life worth living if you dont venture out but instead stay in one spot only?
wouldn't you regret on all the chances you never took, all the times that it could have been?
or worse, wouldn't you feel sad that you never knew life could be so much more than this?
that is really scary.
and that is what becoming an adult has done to me.
with all the commitments and responsibilities, don't lose yourself.
always remember to embrace yourself and live the life you want to achieve.
instead of just living the day as it is.

and now that results are round the corner it is really intimidating.
all that doubt is drowning me and i really am afraid cause i don't know what's the worst to expect.
i pray real hard that all that confidence wasn't over-confidence but rather a belief in me that will come true.
only time can tell how much of that was right.

so when i close my eyes and see you in my heart,
you smile the brightest i've ever seen.
and i know that all you want is what i want too.
and so darling, i cant wait for that to be.