even though we're miles apart,
i never felt closer to you.
all this distance has only made me realise,
you're the one that i want and i'll do anything to make you stay mine.

so i finally got a job.
and now its really time to start saving up on money.
have been spending way too much despite him having gone into army.
but in a way im glad for all that i've done in his absence.
this distance apart has made me realise that yes indeed we do need our own space.
and though in a way its hard to not constantly be together and wish for him all the time, its healthy to be apart at times.
to have our own lives apart from each other.
its a concept i never really thought i would find happiness in but surprisingly it makes me feel that my life is more fulfilling.
all along i've thought that the person you love becomes your world and everything is about him.
all your time and energy becomes devoted to him and there's nothing more you want than him.
though that notion of love is really sweet and still my take on how one should passionately love, i do believe that having time apart also helps alot in a relationship.
having spent these few weeks with my friends and on my own made me realise that if we have our own lives apart from each other, it'll only make us cherish one another even more.
and we can only love one another even more.
so yes, at first distance seems absurd when all you want is his love.
but that very distance might just be what i need to get the love i want.

so given all this time by myself i've had quite some time to do reflections too.
and i realised how scary it is that as we grow older, we tend to stop thinking so much about ourselves.
we get so caught up in the practical world that we dont set aside time to just step back and catch our thoughts.
we stop thinking about growing and only think about the moment we're in in the real world.
there is no time set aside for ourselves to think and find out our being.
so yes, i am glad i have this avenue to do my reflections.
cause some days when i read my older posts, i come to realise how important self-reflection is.
without it, we'll just be living day to day without any way forward and worst, not even realising that we're stagnant.
and that thought scares me hell lot.
cause what is a life worth living if you dont venture out but instead stay in one spot only?
wouldn't you regret on all the chances you never took, all the times that it could have been?
or worse, wouldn't you feel sad that you never knew life could be so much more than this?
that is really scary.
and that is what becoming an adult has done to me.
with all the commitments and responsibilities, don't lose yourself.
always remember to embrace yourself and live the life you want to achieve.
instead of just living the day as it is.

and now that results are round the corner it is really intimidating.
all that doubt is drowning me and i really am afraid cause i don't know what's the worst to expect.
i pray real hard that all that confidence wasn't over-confidence but rather a belief in me that will come true.
only time can tell how much of that was right.

so when i close my eyes and see you in my heart,
you smile the brightest i've ever seen.
and i know that all you want is what i want too.
and so darling, i cant wait for that to be.

you know how they say absence makes the heart grow fonder.
well it sure does.
but it also tears out your heart and rip it into pieces while you wait for the moment that you can reunite with your loved one.

so i know it sounds kinda crazy but i really cant wait to work.
i mean i have just been rotting my days away at home and going out with friends.
albeit it is an enjoyable time and i know im not going to get such holidays much more,
i really want to work.
i just want to earn some cash.
and do something.
but really its about the money.
i have to got to start saving again.
doing all that shopping during my free time has desperately hurt my account.
but looking at how all my friends have like work stories to share and im just sitting at home with no new adventures...oh well.
i know work life isnt going to be filled with a different adventure everyday too.
working two weeks in an office sure taught me that well enough.
but at least i got to do something, to learn something.
to try and pursue something.
and earn money.
i seem to really want to do it for the cash.
hmmm.

so my dear boy has gone to serve the country.
and its the first night that we've gone without talking.
i sure as hell miss him.
but i guess all i can do is wait.
and i can only wish that he thought of me too.