close your eyes and open your heart.
stop seeing and start feeling.
you'll naturally feel beauty and happiness.
so i kinda disappeared due to A's and never really got back.
though there have been countless nights where blogging was what i really needed to do.
too many emotions held up in that precarious heart of mine.
too much to handle for one small being.
so life has had much in store for me.
with the various opportunities i got of course.
i really couldnt believe it at that time.
i didnt believe such things could happen to me.
i guess i secretly always felt that i was just not good enough.
and that opportunity was all i needed to prove myself wrong.
and looking back at how i always thought and feared that my best wasnt good enough.
well, i now know.
i guess that was the much needed confidence.
and now i just have to stay positive.
be optimistic and wait for the best.
cause as i always tell myself, or at least recently, you're destined for greatness.
i never knew i would become an adult so fast.
now that the time has come, all i want to do is wear back my uniform and wake up like a zombie.
take that crowded train half awake and dread the hours in school.
sounds crazy but i wanna become a student again.
not like a uni student but a student wearing a uniform.
i know i lived each moment i could.
but still i feel its not enough.
i guess you can never get enough of it.
as i grow up i find myself reflecting less.
its like as though i dont get time for it anymore.
and i guess thats why some people dont change any longer.
they become stubborn and unwilling to adapt.
and i sure as hell hope i dont turn out to be like those people.
i cant help feeling my relationship with my dad turning horrible.
each time we talk, it just ends in an argument.
its like we're too different to even be on the same page.
or even in the same book.
and honestly i dont know what to do any longer.
on one hand, its the fact that i have to stick for the truth.
and on the other hand, there's dad.
hmm.
make lots of time for beautiful memories.
cause these are the things that you'll keep for the rest of your life.
the pictures and the laughter is what you'll remember.
and always keep them close to your heart.
cause you never know when they might become the sole piece of hope you have left.
it just might happen.
i know its going to be a hard year for us.
dealing with distance is never easy.
and being the more emotionally sensitive one, we both know who's gonna take it harder.
i dont want to go through this.
but at the same time, i dont want to stay either.
my heart is torn between the two.
i can only hope that our love is strong.
and that it can brace the thousands of miles between us.
cause there's nothing more that i want.
i just want you at the end of the day.
only you.
