well this is depressing.

so here i am again.
transition from 2011 to 2012 was all about new beginnings.
so whats it like for 2012 to 2013?
i would say i want everything to stay the same goddamn way.
certainly not worse off, but i still always hope for better.
2012 was pretty good.
met an awesome bunch of people whom i just go insane with.
but also i slowly started recognising some of my innermost demons that i never wanted to acknowledge.
i know i'll be on the road to recovery someday but i guess somedays i just like to live in oblivion.
i had my fair share of fights with him but i thank god for this relationship cause i know that honestly i couldnt have been this happy without him.
he does bring me joy and he does make me laugh.
i love you.
studies-wise, i know i can do better.
and i absolutely will.

so i realise i just got to stop taking things so hard.
like today.
i'll admit, i am truly disappointed that im spending the first day of the new year at home when i had plans.
but then when i think about it again, that's alright.
i mean there's always tmr to head out and have some good fun.
yeah they mark this day specially as the first day of the new year.
and it gets more depressing when i see how people had a great countdown party while i was at a place wishing i was somewhere else.
but then, every other day is actually the same.
we mark these days specifically and then expect to derive some form of enjoyment on these days.
but whats so wrong in just having that good time another day?
cause after all, its about how much we enjoy life.
and how much of happiness we want to derive from it largely depends on what we think of it.
so after all, i guess its not that depressing.
yeah i may have a pretty quiet new year where i'm alone.
but i know there's gonna be days out there where i'm gonna feel so good and that's worth it.
i think about those days and it makes this one day seem insignificant.
so here's to everyone, happy new year (:

so whats my resolutions for this year?
hmmm i would say i've quite a few.
firstly, definitely do well in a levels and secure some form of a future for myself firstly by feeling confident.
secondly, to continue my relationship and never give up on us.
thirdly, LOSE SOME FATS. i know i can do it.
and lastly, have a hell lot of good times that i can look back on and go dayum, 2013 was good.
i do feel like a have some form of new energy looking forward to this year.
maybe it'll die down by feb or something but it feels good now and i'll enjoy that.
so today i take the first step into my future.
lets go.

conflicting feelings will always be there.
but maybe once in a while its nice to sit out and look at the other side.