we dont say goodbye.
so we'll just say goodnight.

hellos hellos.
been trying to keep myself busy and preoccupied so i dont get lonely.
its been working so far.
well currently i've been busy baking for diwali and the excitement is starting to bubble.
but along with it comes the worries of results.
its great timing to have it just one day after a celebration.
thanks so much school.
bitch.

so i realise i havent been thinking much.
that is a good thing in a way.
but then that also means i havent been reflecting on my life and doing those occasional checkpoints in life to figure out where i stand today.
well right now i guess im pretty much in a good place.
realising once again how a lot of things matter on your perception.
i would definitely say this has been a better year than most other years.
i met amazing people which i thought i was pretty impossible given my horrible experiences with humans as a whole.
im learning how to overcome my trust issues and get over my insecurities.
and i would say that after it all...i havent grown that much still.
i dont know.
still have this feeling that i've got much more to work on and figure out about myself.
somehow i feel jc hasnt been giving me enough experiences which shape my life.
maybe its because i have already experienced much and this would be my stagnating period.
but oh well.
i'll just wait around for what life has to offer.
one thing i do realise though by giving advice to people is that i actually still do have the right words to say.
i thought i lost that.
maybe im not as insensitive as i thought i am.

so okay though i dont think as much as previously i still do.
now and then i wonder if people ever think about me.
given that i have drifted apart from so many people, i wonder if i ever cross their minds.
i wonder what kind of an impact i left.
when they think of me, do they smile and laugh at the moments we shared?
or do they just draw blank cause i never really left any impression.
i wonder.

having a little bit of a life perspective shift.
figuring out what kind of characteristics i wish to stay strong to.
reading all that shit has made me start to think about my own values and the way i even think.
so yeah its been pretty much that.
life is pretty uneventful right now.
its definitely not as crazy as the past few years but heck its still a good one.

she subtly leans forward, revealing just enough to leave him hanging on the edge.
she wants him to want her.
to feel for her.
to understand her.
to love her.
and simply that.