so blow me away into the night skies where i can join the stars and shine down on you.

stress.
busy.
worries.
him.
dance.
travelling.
2014.
basically that sums up what has been up all this time.
a lot has definitely changed in a course of a few months.
and then it catches up to me that life always progresses way too fast.
so remember to have happiness in every moment you get.
and also try to remember those moments.
catch onto them and hold them dear to you so that they can light up your darkest days.
they can give you the reason to push on and persevere through it all.
they can give you a reason to live.

as always my life has been centered around many life-changing decisions.
and i guess the one i just recently made might be the biggest of all.
i feel so set on it but yet i can feel myself not facing the whole reality of it.
its like i keep telling myself that im going to be away from everyone for 5 whole years at least.
but i dont know for a fact if thats possible to start with.
i can only work harder on that part.
but the part where i dont see how im going to cope alone is what scares me sometimes.
yes, i may choose to leave everyone here just so as to pursue my passion.
but i am ready to face standing on my own too feet in a totally different country?
am i ready to go through all that in life with no one by my side?
of course i would have lots of support or so i believe from my dear ones.
but no one is going to be there beside me, literally.
im going have to face all the struggles by myself.
cause no one would be there to pat me on the back or give me a hug that would surely lift my moods.
i guess these are the sacrifices that im not yet willing to come to terms with.
i keep pushing them away, hoping i dont have to face them though i know i eventually will have to.
but for now, lets just concentrate on getting there.

sometimes you still take me by surprise.
simple gestures such as pulling me closer to you or holding a protective hand behind my back.
i still feel butterflies after all.
but sometimes i drift away in my thoughts.
i end up thinking things which make me sad.
dont ask me why i do it, only god knows why cause i even tell myself its not good for me.
i start to doubt, insecurities act up.
vulnerable yet again.
but this time i bounce back fast.
i know i have to.
cause after it all, i know you're worth it.

so yeah, pretty much study all day round.
and feel that its not enough.
that i can do more.
that i cant reach my goal at the pace im going.
maybe im wrong.
but maybe im right.

at times i realise why i miss you so much in my life.
you were one person who really could understand me to an extent without me having to spell it out.
you know i got secrets.
and you know just how much to ask.
you make me feel that you do care.
and that you respect my feelings.
you're a wonderful person.
one i was really glad i met.
and happy that you're still there.

satisfy my burning desires.
consume me whole.
let me feel free.
deep within my soul.
touch me so gently.
scar me with marks.
forget beautiful happiness.
embrace the dark.