so close your eyes and take a deep breath.
before you know it, everything around you would have changed.
you just have to deal with it.

has been quite some time since i let out my thoughts.
well this month has been one to remember.
definitely cause of the performance.
hell that night was beautiful.
i performed with all grace i could manage and heck what people say about it, i enjoyed being a dancer and having my time on stage.
finally, after all these years, i had the moment where its just me and the stage.
the audience just a visual black.
and it engulfs the whole theatre except for that one spotlight.
and in that, she dances like a feather floating in the light breeze.
so gentle, yet an everlasting impression.
i had that moment.
more and more of my movie life is coming true.
well what can i say, maybe dreams do come true.

other than that i've been pretty much studying and carrying on from day to day.
and on a night like this, i would sit down and think about how the year has been.
how its been different for me given i changed environment and personally have changed too.
and i got to admit, i feel much more like an adult already.
not saying that im more mature or anything.
but the year has been relatively more smooth going than my previous few.
its missing those teenage drama and conflicts.
which honestly i can do without and am perfectly satisfied due to the absence of it.
and i have to say my mentality has definitely changed too.
i have a bigger picture in mind.
but at the same time, i dont lose the moment.
i live each minute for how i want it to be.
and i would say im pretty happy with the way things are going.
maybe i feel this way because my perspective has once again changed.
i can never tell.
but of course, right now, i would just take what i can get and be happy with it (:

i came across some old thoughts and ramblings of mine.
my i must say, i sure felt some strong emotions back then.
i was a girl who got her heart broken and couldnt deal with it.
and i sure as hell did manage to bring it to the extremes.
i still do recall how it feels, how it all had an effect on me.
but im glad all those seem so far away though in reality it was only just a matter of few years.
i feel i have changed a lot since those emotionally sensitive days.
i mean i still am sensitive and can get quite upset over certain things.
but i sure am doing a better job at dealing with it.
for instance today.
i felt deeply hurt actually and all my insecurities started acting up.
but then i took a deep breath and told myself, hey, this guy has done a million other good things too.
and then i started thinking about all the unexpected gestures that had me smiling away and making me feel that it was all worth it.
and i had to say, he is truly worth it.
i mean, relationships sure will face certain challenges.
but people learn from the mistakes and shortcomings.
they become better for each other.
till the day they live together.
and even then its not guaranteed that there would be absolutely no conceived differences.
but its all about compromise.
like he said, he has become much more compromising.
and looking back, hell i sure have been too.
and maybe thats why im much more satisfied with life.
because i know i dont want to lose him, and to make these small sacrifices instead would be worth it.

and as the day goes on, i think about how near to the perceived future i really am.
i mean i always thought about university as the future.
and to think its actually just 2 years away, its pretty daunting.
to think im still not quite settled on what i want.
maybe i do know what i want.
but maybe im just not willing to make the sacrifices that comes along with my decision.
but then of course people would tell me to make another decision then.
so it comes down to this: do i do what i want and make unwilling sacrifices, or do keep everything the way they are without having to give up on anything but feel that this is not what i want?
its like i want both the aspects, but i have to choose between the two.
and honestly there is a lot to consider.
i need help.

she walks down the street with her head held high.
cause she knows nothing could bring her down when she feels this good.
doing a twirl and a wink to a stranger or two,
she feels this warm joy spread throughout her body.
so infectious.
what is this feeling that makes her want to dance in the middle of the road and make everyone feel it too?
some would say happiness.
some would say bliss.
but to her, its just an unexplainable mix of the good things in life.