im not sure how long more this can go on.

im supposed to clear my mind.
forget all the fucked up things that happen.
move on and present myself like a clean fresh canvas.
ready to paint the thoughts and intentions i should emote.
sounds easy.
well, not quite.
it is pretty easy to push out all other thoughts.
but to keep my mind in that state of clarity and yet bring out a strong thought has never been harder.
well i do want to have my moment on that day.
all these years of waiting.
dancing alone at home with just my reflected self as an audience.
and finally its real.
its happening.
its the night i've been waiting for unconsciously and finally it presents to me.
a performance like never before it shall be.
for not one person sees it but all eyes savour it.
each movement is now magnified by that number of times.
and every single time i realise i have to be able to perform and execute the right moves,
i realise i have been performing my whole life.

the performance never ends.