self battle.
so life is getting really tiring.
but i guess i just got to push on.
hang on in there till its all over.
i kinda dislike the fact that my life is getting to be pretty routine.
its like there is nothing to look forward to.
but i guess i can only make do with what i have and try to have fun.
mixed feelings.
tugging at me all the time.
pulling me in all directions, waiting for me to snap.
and sometimes i get that feeling.
like im not worth it.
like im so insignificant that people dont bother about my existence.
but yet again its my thoughts.
they're scary.
sometimes i wonder if a person who was really close to me came to find out about all of this.
i mean i dont think anyone knows about this.
even if they do they most probably are not as close to me.
i wonder what they would think if they knew behind those vacant stares and drifting off, my emotions are taking one hell of a rollercoaster ride.
i wonder how they would perceive me as a person.
would i no longer be just that girl who was nice to be around?
would i become someone who has many dark secrets and consequently, someone you cant trust cause you realise you dont know the person at all?
i wonder.
i try to figure out myself.
its like i have so many personalities that i want to fit.
that i want to be remembered by.
but sometimes im so caught up in it all that i end up hurting myself.
like i would think of being self-less when i want is to be selfish.
to get some form of happiness for myself.
but im not willing to sacrifice another's happiness just for that.
so i pretend that im some magnanimous soul and act selfless.
somehow i cant help feeling a little disappointed in myself.
for not making myself happy.
i get confused.
still am.
a flicker of feelings.
thats what she felt at that instant.
the way he looked at her.
though it was the briefest of moments, it pierced so much.
that image was so captured so vividly in her mind.
and when she plays it, she cant help feeling that pang of guilt.
she shouldnt be feeling this way for him at all.
but she cant help thinking that somehow this feeling was different.
it was the very same feeling she had the previous time.
the time she met her first love.
