and here we go again.
2011 was amazing.
i have to admit.
i learnt more than i ever expected too and it has made me a stronger person.
and a more understanding person.
i realise i have been pretty selfish in certain aspects of life.
but changes are always made.
it was the best year out of my four years for sure.
though of course the only thing that could have been better was asc.
i miss that man.
if i was still an active member of that hell yeah 2011 would have been awesome to infinity.
i finally learnt how to detach myself.
relax and live a life i love.
and not cry over spilt milk.
i mean yeah naturally you would but one day you've got to stop right?
and call me crazy but i liked all that studying.
especially the days when school was over and i would go back to the library to study.
i think i did my best.
now all i can do is wait.
no regrets, i promise myself that.
but yeah even my birthday this year was incredible.
i spent it with wonderful company and back at home i even got surprised.
shows signs of reduced expectations.
yeah i know im still pretty demanding but cut me some slack.
i figured how to just live in the moment and make it into beautiful memories.
memories that would be untainted by what happens next, be it good or bad.
i really had one great year.
though it wasnt such a rollercoaster ride as the previous one, it was a good ride nonetheless.
became close with people i would never expect to cherish.
improved in my results drastically by finally setting my head right.
learnt to value things which mean alot to me.
and of course i met an enchanting guy (:
of course i made mistakes along my way too.
but instead of regretting the mistakes i made and wishing i didnt, its those mistakes that made me clearer of who i really am and what kind of person i want to be.
so in a way im thankful for the mistakes i did too.
there are just some mistakes that you have to commit so that you would finally see for yourself what you have to learn from it.
i spent the new year on a high note, literally.
well who would have thought a day planned out at marina bay to catch those beautiful fireworks would turn out into a drinking night with inception playing on the sidelines?
certainly not me.
yeah i was a little upset about that but my sis sure knows how to perk me up.
god bless her.
and then sleeping in half a day on the 1 january.
total bliss.
and this year sure has been unique so far.
but im loving it.
so from here on where do i go?
thats the question that's been consistently running through my head since last year.
this is seriously the first time i find myself so aimless.
and honestly it doesnt feel like such a good thing to me.
back when i was younger i just always knew what to do.
for god sake i was even better with my moves then.
nowadays i find myself actually thinking of what's the right thing to do when once it all came naturally to me.
and i start doubting myself alot as i grow older.
thinking that im not good enough.
i dont know if its just me losing confidence or that im actually accepting reality.
its like one of those movie scenes where your life flashes right in front of you.
not that i've many past experiences to flashback on but actually my future.
like screenshots of all the possibilities.
and you sit there wondering what the hell you're doing with your life.
not that i screwed up anything majorly.
in fact i haven't done that the past year i believe and i would thank god for that.
but basically what you want to do with your life.
its like i know i dont want to end up like one of those people who take a certain road and then realise that's not the road they wanted at all and decide to hop onto another road.
and its not like i know which road i want to take either.
some people would say the road's right in front of me, i just have to open my eyes.
but its not that i dont see the road, but a matter of whether i like that road or not.
i mean its a total cliche but what's a life without a few cliches?
and yes i know maybe its a little bit too early to be thinking about all of this.
but knowing me, i just cant get it off my mind.
alright so results are finally coming.
all the expectations been dished out on me already.
and face it Loges, you cant change anything now.
im definitely nervous but im actually quite excited too.
i know i did work my ass off.
i just needed reminders of how hard i slogged.
which i got a ton off when i cleared out my study.
so i couldnt have done awfully.
maybe not the best i would hope for but definitely not awful, right?
its like less than a week away.
i cant believe the holidays flew past like that.
yeah i remember all the moments but seriously its two months already?
dang.
alright, its time to brace yourselves.
