and right now i cant forsee anything.
feels weird not to be celebrating cny.
after doing it for so many years, i really miss that nostalgic feeling.
oh well i cant change my relatives travel plans.
and i certainly didnt expect to be going 7km walking on cny.
in a jungle.
wow.
this just really goes to show me once again that things have a way of turning out not the way you planned it to be.
but maybe thats a good thing.
makes life filled with surprieses.
and its from these little surprises that you can gain joy you never thought would be in such great amounts.
it felt awkward seeing him after all these years at first.
on top of the fact i knew exactly how he was feeling at that time but i couldnt do anything to help because whether i like it or not i was on the opposite border.
and to think he is still stuck there while i have moved on.
i really wanted to give him whatever words i could offer but it just didnt seem right.
and naturally his pain was far worse than mine was.
thats the scary thing about relationships.
it can change you so much.
and the thing about it is that the ending is what people remember.
no matter how many special moments there are in the relationship, its the 'i do' or the goodbye that leaves the lasting impression.
if its the happy ending, then yay everyone lives happily ever after.
but if its the sad ending, it gets really scary.
true, its a matter of how you deal with it.
you can pluck yourself up and tell yourself maybe that person just wasnt the one for me.
get a move on.
but its true too that deep down within you there will be at least a small fragment of you which will never be the same again.
today i saw that fragment of him.
it scared the hell out of me.
it made me want to cry for him.
but i couldnt because just like everyone else, we always have to put a strong front for the world.
let others believe they can rely on your false walls built by fear.
deep down many are crumbling.
various reasons.
but keep that smile.
and thats what she did.
she gave a brave smile and recited her mantra: "everything is going to be alright"
