here i come baby.

taking off tonight 8pm.
hello deep blue seas.

i need to start up a charity fund.
its 100% profitable and all of it goes into Loges's bank.
i seriously am broke.
and to think i haven't gone christmas shopping.
save me.

i've been getting the weirdest dreams ever.
don't know if its just me imagining things or if i have a screwed up mind.
seriously who dreams about..oh god forget it.
still gives me the creeps when i think about it.
now everytime i walk down the street and see any one of them looking at me i seriously freak out.
i mean i know its not like my nightmare can come true.
but its still freaky.
come to think of it i've been dreaming alot lately.
hmm.

dreading all the errands.
just feel like learning a new song and playing it.
procrastination.
oh well.

im still waiting.
i don't know how long you're going to take.
or if you even are intending to.
considering the fact you dont think much about it.
or maybe you're just lying about that.
i'll never know.
but in any case, i shall not create such a situation anymore.
figured that if you wanted to say it, you will.
till then, i guess i'll just have to wait.

it sucks when you know something that maybe you shouldnt know.
and then you dont know if you should tell someone about it.
theoretically it seems the correct thing to do.
but considering the repercussions, i don't think i should open my mouth.
i hate playing these kind of games.
its like either of my actions, im going to end up hurting someone.
but i dont want to hurt any of them.
they mean too much to me to lose.
who said libras are good at balancing acts.
sheesh.
throughout all of these i havent been able to keep my own emotions in check.
i spend so much of time thinking how to solve it.
or at least try to calm things down.
but it feels horrible when i come up with nothing.
sometimes i feel why the hell is a 16 year old involved in this.
i mean im still young.
i've still got so much more to experience before im wise enough to make proper decisions about these kind of things.
to make decisions which will be good in the long term too.
i dont know if i've that maturity yet.
but then once again i cant think about that fact.
because like it or not, im part of it already.
and im still standing in the middle of the bridge with the hole between my legs getting wider.
im not that strong to pull it together.
i try.
but i dont know if my efforts are enough.
sometimes i feel so sick of it all.
i just feel like running away.
but thats not what i would do if i care about them so much.
i gotta stick through it.
i hope i can.

push those thoughts back.

im gonna miss you.
bye.