missing you already.

had a fantastic time yesterday (:
though i could have almost died in that cold.
hadnt shivered like that in a long time.
and it is final, i can never go to the beach without getting thrown into the sea.
should have prepared for that.
the only sad part was that there was no sun!
well good thing from that is that i dont get darker.
but still it wasnt as fun playing in the rain when the sand is damp.
it was awkward for me and him.
i mean we didnt even talk.
barely looked at each other.
hmmm.
i wonder what was running through his mind.
bet he wldnt have come along if he knew who's going.
but i was happy to finally see them again.
and i was glad i could share a few private moments with you.
i was afraid you would forget about the letter.
proved me wrong (:
but then again, sometimes i wish i could be a mind reader.
i know its like invading privacy but cmon i really want to know what you're thinking.
then what i intended for didnt happen.
i was glad but at the same time i felt abit upset.
it was like as though i didnt matter enough for them to bother.
but god i love my sis.
she's a real keeper.

another 4 days to go.
i wish we could have spent that day together but i no you dont really have a choice.
maybe the next time then (:
but at least now i know that you know.
i hope you remember the date.
cause it'd be real funny if you didnt know the date.
course i would be abit upset too.
but i never know, you always prove me otherwise.

having mixed feelings about results.
i want it to come faster.
but at the same time i dont know if im ready to face it.
2nd dream about results last night.
scary part is that the dreams are good.
so it'd be really disappointing if it turns out otherwise.
i really dont know what to expect anymore.
and i hate the fact that everyone's asking me where i want to go.
but i aint got no shitty clue.
for goodness sake out of nowhere the poly option reappears.
swinging back and forth again.
its like im spoilt with so many choices.
people would say thats a good thing.
but when you find yourself standing in the middle, trying to figure out what is the right thing and what you want, it isnt easy.
its like a decision of who i want to please.
i know everyone says take the decision for yourself.
but whats the consequences?
just letting the days pass by one by one.

i still got a whole life ahead.