still not done with homework.
haha.
well, at least im not the only one (:

gosh, its the last day.
tomorrow's a school day.
argh.
i didnt expect it to be so fast.
damnn...

i've decided to SAVE MONEY.
like finally.
im not going to splurge on food or shopping.
im going to save.
lets see how long that lasts.

somehow i feel im getting off to a bad start tomorrow.
hmmm..
hope not.

right now there's nothing to look forward to.
that feels awful.
well, hope for something soon.
tired of a boring and mundane life.

YAY!
my darling is back! (L)

when i close my eyes and drift away,
i think of you
and everything's okay
-two is better than one

Labels: flashing lights

i never will forget (:

okay, im not supposed to be blogging here.
i've to go dress up actually.
haizz...
TMR TMR TMR!
waiting... (:
hehes.

i've finished CHEM.
next is BIO.
oh god.

i don't know why but suddenly i just can smile for no reason.
haha.
im going crazy.
but i think i like it (:

okay, i really should go dress up already.
haha.
then once back home,
bring on the BIO.

when i first met you,
i never would have imagined that i would have such strong feelings for you.
i never would have thought that i would have dreams about you
or miss being by your side,
or get butterflies in my stomach
when someone mentions your name.
when i first met you,
i never thought i would love you.

Labels: fall all over again

this is for you.
yes, YOU.
hahas, stop thinking of him already.
you've got me always (:
trust me when i say,
it is going to be okay some day (:


I LOVE COUNCIL! (L)
though it does take up alot of my time,
i still love you! :D
i can't wait for monday.
want to see all of you again!
and i dedicate this part of my post to you.
you probably won't read this at all,
but i think it will make me feel abit better.
I AM SO SORRY.
for everything.
you can say that we all really misunderstood you.
we never got your intentions.
i guess it's cause we never dared asked for reasons.
but we are all so sorry.
and i can guarantee you this comes from the bottom of all our hearts.
we are so sorry ):
i pray for you that your life gets much more blessed.
we happened to be some of your worst nightmares i guess.
im so sorry.


im so happy with myself today.
i finished PHYSICS.
and im halfway through CHEM.
muahahahaha.


tuesday.tuesday.tuesday.
come faster please.


its funny how sometimes you feel that you are all alone,
cause you are the only one with that type of problem.
and it takes so long to find that other someone,
who knows exactly how you feel.
im happy i've got all you people in my life,
who brighten up my day in every little way.
and those who understand me (:


omg, i still got all the june photos to upload.
but im still so lazy.
hahahaha.
shall keep them for a day when im seriously free.
and have nothing better to do.
hehe.


lastly, i want you to remember.
I LOVE YOU AND I DON'T CARE IF THE REST OF THE WORLD DOESN'T.
(:
but of course im not the only one.
hahahaha.
just really know that you have me.
you're not alone (:


i still do hope your name will appear.
it never does anymore.
but i still hope.
im happy enough that you still make me smile,
when i think of you.
i thought it was only going to be pain and hurt.
but then i've realised,
i love you so much,
that i can let you go.
i can make this into something
to think back of and smile (:

Labels: i love you

i don't know if i should.

crap.
june hols are ending faster than i thought it would.
i admit it.
i've been spending too much time out.
it worked.
until...
damn.
i should seriously stop doing that.

there's lots of photos to upload.
but next time.
i feel like really blogging right now.

this is for you.
i don't know if you will be reading this.
but still...
i don't want to become the person you will curse.
for hurting you.
i don't.
thing is i guess i just want things to stop.
stay the way it is.
cause i don't know where i want to bring it.
you can say im pretty aimless in life.
i don't know a lot of things.
im just scared of making the wrong decision.
scared of taking the wrong risk.
the wrong door.
i don't know.
i guess i won't be doing anything about it just yet.
not until i figure out myself proper.
im really sorry for that.
im sorry if i've made you feel in any way that it could be something.
it might.
i just don't know yet.
i need time.
and im so sorry for all those times i kept you worried.
i really didn't mean to.
sometimes situations just don't work the way we want to.
and things happen at the wrong time.
at the wrong place.
things just happen.
so im sorry for that too.
and i got to thank you for all the times you've been there.
im sorry i ignored you at certain times.
but trust me when i say,
its really comforting to know that someone is there.
someone who truly means it,
and won't leave.
thanks alot.
you literally can be there when i need you.
and that's awesome.
it seriously is.
i am super lucky for that.
having someone like you as a friend (:


okay..now i just want to talk in general.
i know that what i'm doing is stupid.
i know that what i'm thinking of is also stupid.
it could be a misunderstanding.
like this whole thing.
i don't know how it led you to think that she could be any part of this.
i know its my fault too.
i dont deny that.
do you ever feel that you want someone back in your life,
someone who might not want to be part of your life again?
im stupid.
i really am.
i don't know anymore if you really do care.
or i was just someone you had to be nice to.

i keep counting.
i know i shouldn't.
its just a reminder of what i should be forgetting.
but it really is proving very hard to forget.
so many days i've been trying to make myself busy.
go out and enjoy myself.
i do enjoy myself.
and i love all the people with me BIG TIME.
but in those seconds alone,
my mind just slips back to thinking.
thinking of you.
i really shouldn't.
but i've realised the harder i fight it off,
the harder it gets for me.
i guess i got used to thinking of you.
and i was finally becoming okay.
it was like there had never been any hole in my chest.
i was not healed,
but it was as if there had never been a wound in the first place.
but there's always something to ruin it.
bring back the pain.
its no more of the memories.
i don't even really remember them anymore.
but there's just pain.
which gets even harder to get through.
i just hope one day the pain will go away.
and not come back.

i feel like talking to someone right now. i just want to talk about everything. god, i hate myself for feeling this way still.

i miss it.

Labels: stuck in the moment

im sorry.




i feel like falling so sick that i don't get out of bed till im 60.
just feel like it.



i do overstudy things a bit too much.
and i guess i was having expectations.
i didn't mean for it to become like this.
im so sorry.
i hope you can forget about all this and forgive me.
i hope.

Labels: where do i go

omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg.
NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!